That’s What I Get for Snooping.

Hey, parents:  Do you hide stuff from your kids on the top shelf of your bedroom closet?  Yeah?  Well, based on empirical evidence culled from data provided by my rigid and objective research (one casual chat with drunk friends at my kitchen table last Saturday night), so has every other parent since the invention of bedroom closets.  As it turns out, all kids seem to eventually figure out that everything you want to find is something Mom and Dad don’t want you to find and that’s why Mom & Dad put it on the top shelf of their closet.

Summary of items which my party-goers found in their parents’ closets as children, in no particular order:

1.  Christmas gifts

2.  Handgun

3.  Christmas gifts

4.  Hanukkah gifts

5.  Christmas gifts

6.  My dad’s bachelor party photos

That’s right, you heard me:  my father’s bachelor party photos.  You would think the top shelf of my parents’ closet was a safe place for such a thing, but I was born a tall and curious person.  And while my dad and his bachelor party attendees were cops, let’s just say that based on those photos the guys were the only ones not wearing police uniforms.  ::coughcough::

I was about twelve years old, and suffice it to say that was the first and last time I ever searched my parents’ closet.  It was Christmastime and all I was hoping to find was a Nintendo ES (never got one).

Folks, the moral of the story is this:  Whether it’s guns, or gifts, or potentially controversial unmentionables: when it comes to where you store stuff you don’t want your kids to see, get creative!  If you want to hide something from them, tuck it away next to the vacuum cleaner.  It’s not like your kids would ever voluntarily shine the light of day on a Bissell, amiright?  But if they do find it, this way they can work off all the anxiety which comes with finding something they had no business finding by cleaning your house.

I only wish my parents had been so considerate…

p.s. My parents still don’t know that I ever found those photos.  Don’t be the jerk-face who tells them please.  PLEASE?

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Cassandra can be found on Twitter @aclevergirl.  Learn more about her family’s unique challenges and why they have hope for a cure for muscular dystrophy at byrdsforacure.org.