Fingernails. Toenails. Too many nails.

 

 

 

“Congratulations, you’re having twins!”

“Double trouble!”

“Twice the fun!”

“You’ll have your hands full!”

“Twice as nice!”

My apologies to every person in my community who I adore but employed the most unoriginal responses (see above) when I shared that I was expecting twins, but–are you kidding me?

First?  Stop with the cliches, oh people who don’t know what else to say and so you dredge up like the lamest exclamation of encouragement you can think of. (just kidding, you guys give the BEST baby shower gifts and so totally keep bringing  me your cliches!  as long as  you keep the gifts coming!  I am enthusiastic about all of this!  wooo!)

Second, I’ve been a parent of twins for five years, and only like half of that is true.  There’s nothing “fun” or “nice” about two babies waking up in the morning at the same time, starving at the same time, crapping their drawers at the same time, needing immunizations at the doctor’s office at the same time or wanting to play on your smart phone at the same time.

And as a general rule everyone knows you should clip your own fingernails and toenails.  I know that you know this.  But should you procreate, you will also be responsible for your kids’ fingernails and toenails.

I am here to tell you that clipping your kids’ nails is practically a full time job.  I’ve looked for and watched and I haven’t found a single spokesperson, celeb blogger, or parenting website which even comes CLOSE to unveiling this truth:  the more kids you have, the more nails to clip.  And you know what?  Your kid isn’t even gonna tell you that she played with clay or paint today at school and so maybe today is the day to trim her talons.

Time gets away.  Days go by.  The nails grow.  You know how you know?  When enough days go by and your kid comes home with the note: “he could use his fingernails to be trimmed” and you’re thinking “ha, you haven’t even seen his toes”.

And that’s when you realize that this parenthood gig is no free ride.  Suddenly you have responsibility.  It’s a weird sort of responsibility, but it’s a task which must be done and there is literally nobody else who can do this (in some states, even RN’s can’t clip nails of their hospital patients). If you even remotely struggle with this task, do not have twins.  I REPEAT, DO NOT HAVE TWINS.

Anyway, gotta go.  I have three kids but only two hands and only one nail clipper.  It’s gonna be like catching alligators.

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Cassandra can be found on Twitter @aclevergirl.  Learn more about her family’s unique challenges and why they have hope for a cure for muscular dystrophy at byrdsforacure.org.

Comments

  1. Kelly says:

    I’ve only clipped my kids nails a few times. As babies… Rachel naturally kept hers tidy by scratching her sheets to fall asleep. And I chewed off Allison’s after clipping her skin and causing my newborn to bleed. Now that they are older? I think they chew their own. I’m not sure. Maybe I should check on that… LOL!