There was a time in my life when I was just freshly pregnant with twins–ahh, remember those days? Me neither, actually. The only days I remember of my twin pregnancy was when I was 72 weeks pregnant and nobody would agree to induce me. But I do have a hazy recollection of a conversation I had with my mom and sister about eventually dressing my twins in Halloween costumes. How fun this will be! Sure, to raise twins you have to juggle double the diaper volume, double the very specific sippy cup preferences, double the amount of junk-candy from nights spent trick-or-treating (Butterfingers, you people. Butterfingers are where it’s at. Keep the Bazooka for yourselves), but the silver lining in all of this is how fun the Halloween costuming will be for the family and how creative we can all be together! Yay team!
Costumes for same-sex twins sort of seemed like a slam-dunk: take whatever the more opinionated tot wants to dress as and buy two of them and OH MY GOODNESS YOUR TWINS ARE ADORABLE would surely echo from the cul-de-sac all night. Seriously, ask any parent of same-sex twins about how many comments like that they get when they dress their twin-spawn alike and you might just be stunned into never making such an unoriginal remark ever again. It’s sad, I know. Don’t feel bad. But it doesn’t mean it’s not true.
The conversation turned more interesting when we entertained the idea of boy-girl twins and those Halloween costume options. I won’t stand for uncoordination in my children’s clothing, you see (so asserts a dual-income mother of a single child, at the time), so what fun I had imagining my options once they were born. Memorable suggestions in this conversation included: Luke & Leia, Shrek & Fiona, Mork & Mindy, Woody & Jamie, Dorothy & the Tin Man, toothbrush & toothpaste, Little Bo Peep + a sheep, Greg & Marsha, and Robin Hood & Maid Marian. I realize now that some of those pairs were not siblings but love interests (oh stop–I didn’t mean the sheep), but I didn’t think about that at the time so please stop ruining this lovely memory for me.
As fate would have it, I was carrying boy-girl twins. In a tragic twist of fate, they have had three Halloweens and I have yet to coordinate their costumes. One year I had to work with a hand-me-down with which coordination was impossible. Another year we had just moved and I was too tired and poor to give nary a care that the girl wanted to be Minnie Mouse and the boy was a pirate. But this year, this year I got this. Right? Right?? This is my year! Until the girl found a bumblebee costume and made me buy it. She wears it to bed every night. I can’t get it off of her without threatening that Santa won’t come if she doesn’t cooperate. And the boy is committed to being Darth Vader. He’s four–he doesn’t even know who James Earl Jones even is! But that’s okay, if I can convince the girl to be Queen Amidala…..ugh, forget it. Faced with the option of dressing my four year old as if she were Lady Gaga from a galaxy far, far away, I simply don’t have the money or the stomach for it. But if the girl wants to be a bumblebee, maybe the boy can dress as a…. flower? A hive? A bowl of Cheerios? Oof, I need a lot longer than one week to plan for a costume involving a four-foot diameter bowl of milk. I am screwed out of the perfect twin Halloween costumes yet again! Oh, why oh why does this always happen to me?
So you can understand that when it came to Halloween, if there is to be any matchy matchy going on then complete control of their costumes really should belong to me. Of course I might consider their opinions as well, insofar as I might tell them I will consider their opinions, but Momma has a camera and a need to scrapbook your adorable childhoods so hows ’bout we just wear what Momma tells you to wear and smile. Smile, I said! THERE IS NO CRYING ON HALLOWEEN! WAIT, GET BACK HERE! I HAVE CANDY! AND I MEAN BUTTERFINGERS, NOT THAT CRAPPY NON-CHOCOLATE NONSENSE!