The twins, who just turned four, lately have spent time meticulously developing the funnest game ever. Something this epically age-appropriate could have been refined only after compiling the data from focus group upon focus group–one would think.

This game involves no boards or pieces or colorful pretend money.  All you need are two young children trapped in high chairs with no toys within actual reach.  Each child calls out, “Mine!”, as if he or she was claiming a pretend something of value as their own–such as a Leapster®, or a ball of fuzz, or the errant Spanx® irrevently tossed off into the corner of my bedroom from last weekend.  And so it goes, with each child laying claim to the imaginary thing of value, alternating squeals of glee with squeals of bossiness.

The critical thing here–the absolute crux of game rules–is that the “Mine!” shrieking must be at specific decibal and hertz* levels.  I don’t have the metrics back yet on those two, but I can tell you how to know when the decibal and hertz are at the proper levels:  it’s that point in the children’s volume when you can’t decide whether or not to die or run away forever.  But the great thing about being unable to make such a decision is that your four-year olds will repeat “Mine! Mine! Mine!  No, Mine!” until you’ve had a good, long chance to contemplate which card you should draw.

Games where children pretend fight over pretend toys should be as illegal as reclining your business-class seat on an airplane.  Don’t be jerk–people just shouldn’t do certain things.  Talking to you, four year olds.

*I’m not sure if “hertz” is an appropriate term here, or if “hertz” is measured in “levels”.  I am a liberal arts graduate–and frazzled parent of young twins–so the slack you best be cutting me, yo.


Cassandra can be found on Twitter @aclevergirl.  Learn more about her family’s unique challenges and why they have hope for a cure for muscular dystrophy at Byrds for a Cure.