A Dad’s View on Commitment

I’d like to introduce you all to Jeff. He’s a guy. A husband. A dad. And I really dig his writing. I hope you do too. Follow Jeff on Twitter @OWTK and on his own blog, Out With the Kids.

Waaaaay back in the late 1990’s when the Mrs. and I began to date, pretty much the minute we became an item actually, we both knew that we two were forever material.  Yeah, it was all kinds of dreamy.  Had our early scenes been in a movie the vomit-inducing terms “romantic comedy” and “chick flick” would definitely have been tossed around with reckless abandon.  I’m not British nor am I bumbling fool, but Hugh Grant likely would have been involved.  Come to think of it, if our early weeks and months were a real film, I’d have avoided it like the plague. One ticket for the oddball, subtitled one please!

Still, there is knowing that you are with ‘the one’ and then there’s cementing it.  Locking it down.  Signing the papers.  Sealing the deal.  Okay, you probably understand my point by now.  By cementing it, of course, I mean purchasing silverware and a set of cereal bowls.  What were you expecting? A ring? Bleh.

It wasn’t the money.  Our commitment bowls were on clearance at some department store that we’ve outlasted (suckers!) and cost us no more than $10 for all four of them.  The symbolism though, yeah that was worth WAY more.  This was our first purchase together that didn’t involve tipping a waitress – meaning we got to take the utensils home with us instead of leaving them for the busboy.   We were the joint owners of forks, spoons and bowls.  It was official – we were going to be together for a while.
Did you puke?  Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Fast-forward a dozen years; Hugh Grant has been replaced by John C. Reilly – still funny but a darker, more complex character.  We’ve got a pair of cars (foreign) and daughters (domestic), one real job, a tabby cat, and a modest home.  It was inevitable, I guess, that the life of a married couple would get more complicated when you add to the mix homeownership and a couple of tiny people that resemble you physically and emotionally, their crumbs, and all of their clothes.

The struggle then has been keeping our movie as sappy and unwatchable as possible in the face of real-life challenges that can’t be gleefully wrapped up in a 90-minute PG-13 motion picture.  The old head of hair thankfully isn’t, but my patience is thinning rapidly and petty things I let pass as a younger man now aggravate me.  The result is a husband and daddy too often preoccupied with straightening up, then being annoyed about it, and finally being too tired from it to soak up the giggles and goodness of family life.

I want my daughters to think of love as bliss – the fairy tale version children are allowed to dream – and to view romance as it existed more than a decade ago for their mom and dad (okay I don’t want them to see all of that, I said PG-13 ya know what I mean?).  Yet, despite a sign reading “don’t forget to kiss each other goodnight” hanging by my side of the bed I still fail in doing so at 10pm and at other points throughout the day.   The crumbs though, they’ve been vacuumed, the laundry’s folded and put away, and those bowls are always clean and ready to be used.  I often think my priorities are more than a little bit off-kilter.

Twelve years removed from our first kiss, I do still fancy seeing those heavy blue and orange bowls filled with cereal in the morning and I still adore spying my wife’s lovely figure under the covers, happily dreaming the one that came true.  Fortunately our script is still being written.  I’ve got time to ensure that the ending of this flick is as dreamy as it began for my wife and for our daughters, even if that means dusting off my British accent and letting a bowl and spoon sit dirty in the sink all day.

About Jeff:

Jeff Bogle is a stay-at-home dad who writes about kid’s music, books, toys, kid culture and parenting at www.OutWithTheKids.com.  He also can be read in the pages of Time Out New York Kids, North State Parent, and Curious Parents Magazines as well as on numerous websites, including iVillage.com, MomsLikeMe.com and StopBuyingCrap.com

He is married to an adorable redheaded gal and has two lovely little ladies, ages 7 (The Bear) and nearly-4 (The Mouse), who provide him with countless hours of humorous in-home entertainment, and who get to hear, see and play with more cool stuff than you can possibly imagine.

He considers himself one of the luckiest guys in the world, although he needs to be reminded of this fact from time to time.

Comments

  1. Kelly says:

    I adore this post, Jeff. It’s a wonderful part musings, part reminder to remember why we got in this beautiful mess of a life together in the first place. I’m all for sappy romantic movies, but real life? It takes a lot more guts. I’d love to hear about those cereal bowls again in 20 years. I’m guessing they will still be around. ;)

  2. annie says:

    Great writing!
    I will definitely be looking forward to future articles.
    Thanks!

  3. […] wonder about a Dad’s view of commitment? Jeff from OWTK shared this great guest post on Everyday Childhood. It’s a really touching piece to […]

  4. EMB says:

    Great article!
    I enjoy reading all your sites, and will be checking this new one out also.